Ichor
by Kennacleon
Summary: Normalcy is in the eye of the beholder. Reincarnation fic, OC!Sayu/Misa
1. Prologue

**Ichor**

 _noun_ \ˈī-ˌkȯr, -kər\

An ethereal fluid taking the place of blood in the veins of the ancient Greek gods.

* * *

 **Prologue**

* * *

It took me a while to understand what exactly happened to me.

I'm not referring to the shooting, as I knew exactly what was happening that night. Hell, I _accepted_ it even. Sure, I wanted to live as much as the next girl, but my death was…Docile. I hadn't fought when that tall figure ripped my purse from my hands, nor had I struggled when the cool metal of a hand gun was pressed to my temple and the click of the safety being turned off ran through my ears. It simply was. I had closed my eyes.

When I was reborn, I was mildly surprised. In my previous life I wasn't religious, but I was relatively open to other ideas. Reincarnation was something I had thought about in passing, but I adamantly was the kind of girl that needed definite and unquestionable proof to believe in something. In some ways I'm still like that, but I'm much more tolerant of the idea that other things may happen that I'm unaware of. That's certainly something that was pounded into my head.

This time around I've been born into a kind Japanese family. My new mother was a lovely short haired brunette that birthed me at the relatively stable age of twenty six, and shamelessly doted on my brother and I. My father was thirty-three when I was born, a stern yet caring man who was undeniably a family man at heart. My brother, however…

I don't know what to think of him.

He was adorable, even at the age of two when I was introduced to this world. He had a full head of light brown hair, and wide innocent amber-like eyes. He looked like a fucking cherub. When I got a little older, a little more _able_ , he would sometimes sneak into my room at night to clumsily help me out of my crib. He'd set me next to him on the cold floor, brush my chocolate brown hair out my vision, and read to me. He was a huge help to me learning Japanese, something I was extremely thankful for, as I had only known English prior.

His name was Yagami Raito.

I'll be the first to admit that in my past life I had a fucked up sense of morals, and that many of my beliefs followed me into this body, but I honestly had no idea how to proceed. Sure, at this age he was loving and helpful, but he would grow up. He'd get older, become more mature, and be more jaded. He'd live his life severely unhappy until he'd find the Death Note.

My brother would become Kira.

Staring up at the five year old who was reading me a story that was essentially saying goodnight to primarily inanimate things, I wondered if I would really actually _care_ when the time came. I slowly slid my gaze down to the kanji his index finger was tracing, and idly wondered if that made me a bad human being.


	2. Leftovers

**Chapter One**

* * *

When I was enrolled in school, my parents' suspicion of me being smarter than the average child was confirmed. I had been fresh out of high-school when I had died, so everything was ridiculously easy in my eyes. Hell, I even watched Raito work on his homework just to make sure my mind properly retained all the information. Soichiro and Sachiko were ecstatic when they learned that both of their children greatly exceeded expectations, and despite myself I felt a childish joy in making my new parents proud. I still reveled in the kind smile my brother had looked down at me with when he had ruffled my hair.

As years went on, however, my parents didn't agree with many of my choices. They didn't care for my primarily monochrome wardrobe, nor did they particularly rejoice in my choice of friends. They accepted me though, and I loved them even more for it. They've been there for me more than my past life's parents, and I wouldn't trade the Yagami family for the world. Life was easy, and I basked in the happiness that comes from being in a loving family. However, this easygoing day to day bliss didn't last forever.

Things got difficult when Raito stopped eating and drinking.

A brief glance at the small clock on my desk made me aware of the time being three in the morning when I had woken up, roused by the muffled sounds of crying. The soft sounds that my feet made as the pads of them hit the cold floor seemed almost deafening compared to the almost quietness of the night, and it felt grossly inappropriate for my existence to be so loud while I walked over to my brother's room.

When I lightly knocked at his door, it quickly went dead silent before the noise of him walking over rang out. He opened the door, and I took a few moments to assess him. His eyes had heavy dark bags hanging underneath them, and his skin was sickly pale sans the redness that betrayed his previous tears. His clothes draped off of his body in a way that they never used to, and he just looked so physically, emotionally, and mentally _drained_ that it hurt to even look.

"You shouldn't be awake," He half-heartedly chided, "You have school later on."

"You're an idiot," I wearily glared, "Follow me."

He allowed himself to be gently guided after I reached out to grasp his risk, and I ignored how wrong it was that a fifteen year old boy's wrist felt painfully fragile in the hold of a petite thirteen year old female's hand. I sat him down at the kitchen table, and brushed his hair back from his eyes. Moving as soundlessly and efficiently as possible, I held a hand towel under a cold stream of water from the faucet momentarily before wringing it out and offering it to him.

"It'll help reduce the swelling and redness of your face." I answered his unspoken question all knowingly, because I've done this a million times before despite the fact that the majority of those occurrences had been in a different body.

Not acknowledging how his shadow slumped over when I turned around as to not wound his delicate sense of pride, I mixed up leftover salad and chicken in a bowl. After shoving a fork in it, and pouring a glass dangerously full with orange juice, I sat down across from him at the table and slid the meal over to him.

"I'm not hungry." He murmured decisively, blankly staring down at the contents of the bowl.

"I know you aren't," I replied, "But I'm _not_ going to watch you waste away. You're skin and bones, Raito. You have to eat even if you feel like you're chewing rubber. I know how you feel, and I know that you won't get any better unless you _allow yourself_ to be."

He raised his gaze from the salad to meet mine, and simply stared at me for a moment. He felt terribly far away from me in that moment, even after I reached out to rest my right hand on his left forearm in an attempt at offering solace. His gaze flickered between my eyes and the food briefly before deciding to rest upon the bowl. He then proceeded to stab through the meat and lettuce with the fork before slowly raising it to his mouth to take a bite. He chewed at a painstakingly slow pace, and when he finally swallowed he had the expression of someone forced to swallow shards of glass. He began to repeat the process again, and my hand felt like lead weighing down on his arm.

"Thank you." He muttered quietly, going on to raise the fork to his chapped lips.

He suddenly didn't seem as far away.

* * *

 **A/N: Hello, everybody. Thank you all for taking the time to read my story, it really means a lot to me. If you could take the time to leave feedback or such, that'd be great, but I understand that many of you won't, so it's alright either way. I hope all of you are enjoying my work so far.**

 **Also, I'd like to clarify that Sayu's beliefs are not based upon my own, but more based on how I think her experiences and personality would dictate. Please keep an open mind when reading my work, as there will most likely be some opinions she has that you might not agree with.**

 **If you're interested in listening to songs that go with the story, I have a link to a playlist on my profile.**


	3. Grocery Shopping

**Chapter Two**

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I was thirteen when I met her.

To be completely honest with you, I had no idea who she was at first. She was a strange sight to behold, hunched over and violently vomiting into a trash can as the fresh February snow gently floated down to land upon her brunette locks. It wasn't an unusual occurrence, however, as there was a bar not too far away. Every so often drunks would wander over to the gas station nearby in hopes of safely hitchhiking.

I softly sighed while quickly striding to the gas station, purchasing a bottle of water and a chocolate bar before exiting. Walking back to the area the girl was, I texted to my mother that I ran into a friend and might be a while. The girl was finishing up, and clumsily wiped her mouth of any residue that may have lingered. When she turned and spotted me, her eyelids furiously fluttered and she flushed pink at having been caught vomiting.

"You looked like you might need this," I sheepishly grinned, offering the water to her, "It's always a pain when you throw up, and are unable to wash out your mouth."

She sent me a wavering and tear filled smile, "Thank you."

Turning my back to allow her some privacy, I quietly decided that she wasn't intoxicated like I had initially suspected. Judging by her tears, it was most likely due to an emotional fit that stressed her out enough to the point of throwing up. Poor girl, something quite bad must've happened if she worked herself up enough to this point.

"I'm done now," She shakily announced to me, allowing me to turn back around, "Thank you for the water. I…I should probably go home now."

I silently appraised her for a moment, and judging by her downtrodden expression and the way her voice cracked when she said the word 'home', she probably didn't actually want to go.

"There's a small café nearby," I started in a flawlessly hesitant tone of voice, "I was planning on getting food there, but I don't feel comfortable walking by myself at this time of night."

That was a lie. I was out here to purchase ingredients to make a cake for Raito's birthday tomorrow, but she didn't have to know that.

Sliding my gaze down to the ground, I moved my feet into a pigeon toe stance while wrapping my arms around myself in a manner that determinedly screamed uncomfortable. I continued in a near whisper, "Would you mind going with me? I would buy you dinner to make up for it, of course. I just…"

"I'll go," She interrupted me, letting out light yet empty laughter as she wiped her face of any remaining tear tracks, "Don't worry about paying for me. You already bought me a bottle of water, I can't ask for anything more."

"I appreciate it," I thanked softly, proceed to peer up at her through my eyelashes and sending her a smile.

* * *

Dinner was a quiet affair.

Besides us telling the waiter what we wanted, we didn't speak to each other. It was a comfortable silence of course, and I was happy that I was able to properly deduce that she needed some peace to recollect herself. This of course didn't stop me from sneaking glances at her, wondering what exactly had occurred for her to have been so upset.

Of course, the physical attractiveness that she possessed that was gradually being revealed as the redness and puffiness of her skin faded away didn't help. I'm inquisitive, not blind.

After we finished eating we both paid our respective bills and exited the shop, lingering underneath the awning as to not be assaulted by the ongoing and quickly growing harsher snow fall.

"Thank you for going with me—," I paused when I went to address her, realizing we hadn't introduced ourselves, "Ach, excuse me, I never learnt your name! I'm Yagami Sayu. Who are you?"

She sent a small smile down at me, straightening out her black skirt, "It's nice to meet you, Yagami-chan. I'm Amane Misa."

Oh.

 _Oh._

"It's nice to meet you too, Amane-san. You'll have to excuse me, but I have to go pick up some groceries," I giggled nervously, and scratched the back of my neck, "My brother's birthday is tomorrow, and we don't have all the ingredients to make a cake. I hope you feel better soon!"

"Thank you, I hope it goes well," She replied quietly, eyes wandering to assess the roads, "Be safe out there, okay Yagami-chan? The weather's getting worse."

"You as well, thank you Amane-san!" My smile tightened with slight panic.

With that said, I leaned down slightly in a polite bow before quickly striding away, not stopping until I entered the grocery store that was a few blocks away. I momentarily leaned against a cart, catching my breath before peering over my shoulder through a window. The dark of night shaded the thin sheet of snow that covered the roads a medium gray, but I was able to see that the streets were empty.

Even as I half mindedly dropped bags of flour and sugar into the cart while eating my chocolate bar, I couldn't take my mind off of what happened. I eventually came to the conclusion that Misa's parents had probably just died, and that she most likely just got back from their funeral. That would certainly explain her modest and plain all black attire, and would certainly cover her emotional distress. Didn't Rem say something in the movies about Misa becoming severely depressed after being forced to witness her parents being murdered?

It was only on my way back home did I finally shake these thoughts from my head, mentally reprimanding myself. I sent my mother a message saying that I had finally picked up the ingredients, and that I was on my way back. This was no time for thinking about a girl I wouldn't see again for a few years. After all, Raito's sixteenth birthday's tomorrow.

It's not like any of this will actually matter anyway…Right?

* * *

 **A/N: Woops, Sayu met Misa. And this is another filler chapter. Sorry if any of you think that Misa was OOC, I kinda fought with myself on how to portray her, but I eventually settled on this. It's implied that Misa gets into her modelling career after her parents' death, and I personally think that a shit ton of her "cutesy" personality stems from molding herself to be seen that way in order to be more successful. I believe that whatever amount of it is natural would be overshadowed by her depression.**

 **Also, I'd like to thank PyroMaNiC for taking the time to leave a review—the first one I've received, in fact— and such a sweet one at that. I may or may not have barrel rolled across my mattress in joy. I hope this chapter is to your liking. C:**


	4. Nausea

**Chapter Three**

* * *

He found the Death Note a few days ago.

The walls weren't sound proof; I could hear him murmuring to himself over the low noise of the news channel he had begun to leave his portable television on. If I pressed my ear against the wall separating his room from mine at night, I could even faintly pick up on the furious scratching of a pen on paper.

It's funny; after all the years I've had to formulate a plan, I have nothing. A sense of panic filled my being, and I felt like throwing up. Should I even involve myself with the mess he gets himself into? I sat down on the floor, pressing the side of my body against the door with my knees tucked under my chin. The sound of his writing calmed me down, ironically enough. This was sick.

I don't think I could let my brother do this by himself. I love him too much to watch him fuck up and get killed. I need to involve myself with this—should I go up to him and tell him I know? No, that is illogical. Besides, whenever Ryuk shows up and I'm unable to see him, he'll know for sure that I lied. It's possible that I could touch a page of the note before that, but it's a shitty plan to begin with.

I need to stage this. Play up the role of concerned little sister, get caught in the act of going through the Death Note. Should I ask him to go pick something up for me? Ach, that'd give me too much time, and with my luck he'd take the fucking book with him. Maybe I should bother him to find me something in the house?

"Sayu, Raito!" My mother's muffled hollering rang out, most likely from the bottom of the stairs as she tends to, "Your father and I are going out for that business dinner I told you both about. We will be back around nine!"

"Have a nice time Kaa-san, Tou-san." Raito responds once he opened his door, the noise of him shutting then locking his book in a drawer sounding out beforehand.

I opened my door as well and leaned halfway out in a tone lilted with unfeeling laughter, "Have fun, you crazy kids!"

"You both as well!" She giggled back, the sharp clack of her short heels against the floor audible even with the distance.

"Ah, Raito?" I swung myself to the other side of the doorway, grinning brightly at him while gripping the frame tightly to keep my hands from shaking, "Would you be able to go over some equations with me? I think I have them correct, but my teacher only briefed over it, so I'm afraid I misunderstood something."

"I'm slightly busy with my own work, Sayu," He smiled bashfully, eyes darting over his shoulder, "I'm sure you have them correct. Your grades are as good as mine were when I was your age."

"Please?" I playfully drew the word out, pout ready on my lips, "It wouldn't take long at all! Besides, you've been so busy lately, I've barely seen you!"

A barely audible sigh hung from his lips, "I suppose I could take a brief break to go over it with you. Grab your homework and then come in my room."

"Thank you!" I laughed, releasing the door frame only to dig my nails into my palms.

Bounding down to the living room, I picked up the homework I had left there along with my calculator. Staring down at the calculator for a moment, with strained hands I slid it in between the couch cushions. I straightened myself up and took a moment to compose myself. Raito is a keen observer and would surely pick up on my nerves. I can't have that. With a cheerful smile on my face I nearly skipped up the stairs, bouncing into Raito's room and flopping down on his bed with my papers and pencil clutched tightly to my chest.

"Ready to have the best time of your life?" I teased him with a catty grin, wriggling my body on his bed to slouch against his pillow.

"As always." He replied blandly, making his way over. I make a show of setting my papers on my lap, widening my eyes before darting them to his direction while gnawing on the right corner of my lips.

He pauses and raises a tired brow, "What is it, Sayu?"

"You know how you're my favorite brother, right?" Now both of his brows were raised, eyes distinctly knowing.

"I'm your only brother; with that logic I'm simultaneously your least favorite. What do you want?"

"I may have left my calculator downstairs."

"Go get it then."

"I may also be very comfortable."

We stared at each other for a few moments, my gaze hopeful and cheeky while his remained blank and resigned. He eventually let out another low sigh, already walking towards his door.

"Fine then, you owe me." He called out from over his shoulder.

"I'll write it down on the list." I laughed. I could feel my pulse throughout my entire body, and my heartbeat seemed overwhelmingly loud.

Waiting until I heard him at the bottom of the stairs, I walked to his desk with as much haste as I could while remaining quiet. My hands shook as I opened the desk drawer, thanking whatever may exist that the drawer slid out smoothly and quietly. I picked up the stacks of books, pulling out the death note from the second from the bottom. Sitting down on the desk chair, my whole body shaking while I flipped it open.

A hesitant finger reached out and made contact with a page.

"Well, isn't this something!"

I had only glanced up for a brief moment before immediately twisting my torso to the side, proceeding to retch onto the floor.

"That's a bit harsh, don't ya think?" The creature asked, blatantly nonplussed.

My chest heaved even after I righted myself in my chair, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. The animation and drawings I had seen of Ryuk didn't even hold a candle to how extraordinarily grotesque his appearance was.

The tendons in his neck obscenely bulged out, skin clenching on tightly and creating deep dips and crevices. If I reached out a hand, I could grasp a thin fold of his neck. I swallowed back bile, noting how gaunt his pallid face was, and how distinctly inhuman all his features were. The sclera of his bulging eyes were yellowed like aged letters, framing brick red irises with no pupils. A permanent crease dipped down in between his eyes as if an exaggeration from furrowed brows he didn't have. Not too far underneath resided a pig's snout, one thin nostril rising higher than the other. Thick dark blue Glasgow smile reminiscent lips pulled over small yet razor sharp pointed teeth, each spaced out from the other. After his pectoral muscles his waist deeply curved in, only slightly widening out to form hips extremely small in comparison to his unworldly broad shoulders.

God, I was not prepared.

"Your calculator was in between the cu—," Raito paused in the doorway, eyes focused on the book laying on my lap.

"Is it too late for me to ask you to get me a glass of water?" My voice rang out hoarsely, a wry grin working its way onto my face. I ran my tongue over the back of my front teeth and held back from cringing, my mouth tasting putrid.

"Sayu."

"Yes?" I answered, tone miraculously kept neutral. Fear of the overall situation had swiftly turned into fear of my own flesh and blood. If I fucked this up, would Raito kill me? Has this already overtaken him to the point that he would take the life of his own sister? Flashbacks of cold metal against my temple overtook me momentarily. I don't want to die again.

He strolled in his room, the absolute definition of composed to someone who wasn't his own sister, "Explain."

"Well," I clear my throat, crossing my calves at the ankles while being mindful to not make contact with the vomit not far from my feet, "I knew what you were doing, and I suppose in a way I want to help you."

"You want to help." He repeated slowly, unwavering gaze set upon me. He was either absolutely furious or completely taken aback by this whole ordeal—which emotion, however, I couldn't tell.

"Allow me to clarify," I ran my tongue over my lips, "I want to help you, my brother. I have no desire to directly aid 'Kira'."

"Just how exactly do you think you could be of use to me?" His words were weighted, and I shifted uncomfortably.

"A second opinion. This whole situation will inevitably become something enormous, and you know as well as I do that at times you are prone to rash decisions. I am the same way myself, but I am able to look at situations objectively when I am not directly involved and therefore I am able to give you a clearer opinion."

"And what would you gain from this?"

I looked into his eyes while steeling my own, my voice deepening slightly, "The knowledge that I'm keeping my brother safe. Emotional gain, I suppose."

A moment of silence.

"Very well." He finally let out, "Before anything, however, clean up your mess and go brush your teeth. This is disgusting."

Relief left my body light and unreal, my schooled expression of neutrality slipping into a vague smile.

"Of course."

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 **A/N: AHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA hey guys it has been a year and twenty days since I've updated :))))) ahaaa alright I have a shitty explanation for all of this.**

 **So, in June of 2015, I realized that my bitch ass hadn't planned out anything really for this story, so I had to think of how I was going to do all this. In July, I met a girl and we ended up dating a few months later, and apparently romance steals my muse away, so that was eleven months of not writing anything for this story until I had to break up with her. Also, during that time, my parents sold our home and we had to stay in a hotel for a few months before we could afford our rv. After the breakup, which was nearly two months ago, i…fuck, what have I been doing? Okay so I have no excuse for the past two months but im here and im queer and that's all that matters.**

 **I had roughly 600 words prewritten from last year, so in the past few hours I've been writing my ass off (the actual word count for the actual content is 1610 words, 151 of which being the paragraph describing ryuk.** **Ryuk is now the love interest)** **and it's now midnight and so there's probably gonna be a lot of fuck ups because I half assedly read over this honestly, so if you guys notice anything please mention it in an rv and ill fix that shit at a normal hour.**

 **Also, shout out to** _ **QueerAlien**_ **who reviewed earlier today/yesterday and reminded me of this story! Thank you so much! I highly recommend that you guys check out their story titled** _ **"Crimson and Clovers**_ **", it's an amazing reincarnation OC fic that I've been binge reading lately.**

 **I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed in general, actually, as that's pretty much 97% of what motivates me to continue this story. Every time I get a review I gasp and make this stupid grin. Thank you all for dealing with my shitty updating schedule, or lack thereof really, and being amazing. It means the world to me.**


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